In a previous post I mentioned that my husband and I lost our third child to an ectopic pregnancy. I wanted to share my personal story in hopes that it will give light to someone walking the same walk in their own life.
My first two pregnancies were completely normal, almost easy if you will. So when we got pregnant with baby number three, I wasn’t at all worried about there being complications or even the possibility of complications. I saw the two lines on my dollar store pregnancy test and I was over the moon excited. My first appointment was very limited due to how early I was, standard procedures, blood draw, urine sample, and the dreaded pap smear. My next appointment would hold the first peek at our new babe. During the few weeks that followed that first appointment I started to feel something was wrong. I began having light bleeding and pain that would come and go on my left side. I called my doctor and she assured me that some bleeding was normal and to just rest and if anything got worse I was to go to the local emergency room. A few days passed and it did get worse, I was heavily bleeding and in even more pain. I headed to our closest emergency room to be checked out. The ER doctor ordered an ultrasound, resulting in nothing but a thick endometrium wall, no baby to be found, but there was nothing in the fallopian tubes or ovaries either. The doctor chalked it up to being so early, but also said I could possibly be miscarrying. So again no answers, just more worry. I began to pray very hard, begging God for this child to grow and be in my arms healthy and term. At my next appointment I would finally have answers.
I’ll never forget lying on the ultrasound table and hearing nothing. No “there’s baby” only the noise of the ultrasound machine. After what seemed like the longest few minutes the ultrasound tech put her wand up and excused herself from the room. Something was very wrong, I choked back tears. The tech came back in and printed off a few of my ultrasound pictures and walked me back to a patient room. I couldn’t hold it in any longer, I began hysterically crying. My doctor came in and I learned my sweet baby was in my left fallopian tube. Minutes later I was in the main hospital waiting area, trying to choke back my tears while others talked amongst themselves, all oblivious to the news I had just received. My husband arrived and I was given methotrexate to dissolve (ouch my heart will forever ache from hearing that word) and keep my babies cells from developing further. I was broken, a million pieces on that hospital room floor. My third baby, a heart beat, the wrong spot, being dissolved, the grief was unbearable.
The first dose of methotrexate didn’t work. I had just gotten home with ice cream for the family when I fell to the ground in agonizing pain; my tube had ruptured.We rushed to the emergency room. Ultrasound confirmed the rupture. I was immediately on my way to the operating room. As soon as I woke up from anesthesia I asked to see our baby. They showed me my tube and baby in nothing more than a specimen cup, but if you asked me what it looked like I honestly couldn’t tell you. I was very groggy and disoriented from the anesthesia and can’t recall an image, just blur. Sometimes I think God knew I wouldn’t be able to see our child like that.
After our loss I had a hysterosalpingogram, a procedure where a doctor inserts dye into your fallopian tubes to check the flow. We wanted to be sure that if we were going to try for another baby that we were going to make sure the remaining tube was in working order. My right tube flowed wonderfully. The following month I was pregnant again, this time in the correct place.
So mommies out there who might be going through an ectopic pregnancy or something similar just know you are not alone in your journey. It’s okay to cry, it’s okay to be mad, it’s okay to question God’s plan. But just know his plan is ALWAYS good even in the middle of the storms. Hugs ❤️